Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Mark Your Calendars



Not only is September the month of my 19th wedding anniversary and Frickmas (my birthday) it's also home to "Talk Like A Pirate Day".
My pirate name is "The Iron Fist", I think it suits me.

Some pirate jokes

Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
It's rated AARRRRGGH!

What's a pirate's favorite mode of transportation?
A cAARRRRGGH!

what's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
arrrr

what's a pirate's favorite kind of socks?
arrrrgyle

what is a pirates favorite study subject?
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.

what's a pirate's second-choice job?
an arrrrrrchitect!

This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?"
And the pirate says...
Aaargh, it's driving me nuts!!

a little kid with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate and goes trick or treating. he knocks on the door of a house and a man answers. "oh, i can see you're dressed up as a pirate." the man says. "but where are your buccaneers?" the kid gets really mad, and says "on the sides of my buckin' head!"

how much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
a buccaneer

what's a pirate's favorite kind of cookie?
ships ahoy

what do you call a pirate that skips class?
captain hooky!

"LINK"

Pilot Error


A relative sent me this, enjoy

Airline cabin announcements

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.

4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

8. >From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa.. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

Have You Seen This?



Found on "Boing Boing"
Interesting pictures and comments on Flickr. Here is the Flickr "LINK"

Just Damn


Found this price on the South Carolina/North Carolina border.
At least the taxes are included.....

Sunday, August 28, 2005

New Orleans Web Cam


Here's a "LINK" for a Bourbon Street webcam (need RealPlayer to view). Hoping for the best for all the residents. Thanks to "Dave" for the link.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

We Got A Great Big Convoy


I remember 30 odd summers ago when CB Radios were all the rage. You can't have CB's without that great American classic convoy. Click this "LINK" to read the story behind the story of convoy.
Thanks to "Trucker Tom" for the link.

Friday, August 26, 2005

You Go Now, You Eat Too Much


We all went out for lunch at "Hong Kong Willies All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet".
You know this kind of place, it's where they fix one giant pot of chicken and then cover it with different kinds of sauces, throw it in an aluminum tub and place it behind the "sneeze guard" for all to enjoy. Then you eat so damn much that you wear your chop-sticks down the size of toothpicks bound and determined to get your $6.00 worth.
Well, we found ourselves seated next to a Mother & her teenage son. Now none of us heard the actual beginning of this conversation, but apparently junior was wanting to go to the movies and see "The 40 Year Old Virgin". What we heard was the last two sentences, which went something like this.
Junior: "I want to go see The 40 Year Old Virgin"
Mom: "You want to go see The 40 Year Old Virgin, then go look in the mirror in about 27 years"
Needless to say it was all we could do to keep our soda in our mouths and not exiting through our noses.
I think junior has a long hard road ahead of him.......

Thursday, August 25, 2005

From "H"


"H" had open house at the school this evening. "H" and I missed it due to the soccer clinic that was being held. He had constructed a puzzle for "The Wife" to put together that is supposed to give us some insight into that 10 year old melon of his.
The teacher wrote out questions for each student to answer, then the students colored and carved up the paper to make the puzzle.
If you look in the bottom left corner the question was "Who do you most admire?" "H" answered "My Dad". I always knew that boy had a good melon on his shoulders....

GQ Announces Husband Of The Year


Rumor has it that "GQ Magazine" will announce that "Mr. Kevin Spears" has won its coveted Husband Of The Year Award. It didn't even realize GQ held so much power in world affairs as to name the Husband Of The Year. Now I believe that Mr. Spears has one out-of-wedlock baby and married Britney while his ex-girlfriend was pregnant with yet another (now I may be wrong on those points).
If this is GQ's idea of a Husband Of The Year then I guess the "Husband Standard" had reached a new all time low. I might subscribe to GQ just so I can turn right around and cancel it in protest.
GQ could have at least chosen "Russell Crowe". This guy is facing a jail term for bouncing a phone off some guys skull as he tried to call his wife. Now that's my idea of a Husband Of The Year.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Hey Blogger Take Note



After you read my post below you will see that I used the word "BellSouth" apparently Blogger's spell checker thinks I should replace BellSouth with bullshit. I hope that Blogger doesn't know something about BellSouth that I don't.
This was not touched up in Photoshop, I promise.

We Are Done



After 3 years of Comcast reigning control over our phone, cable & high-speed connections they are being released our their duties. After multiple service calls for a cable picture that resembles a Picasso painting, more dropped phone calls than my cell phone and a cable modem that works as much as a lazy uncle. I do hate giving up the fact that we were the only one in the neighborhood using cable for a high-speed connection. Big pipe all mine.
We switched over to BellSouth. Their packages are as confusing as a 12th grade trigonometry test. If you try to cut back on any of the services, say you want to save $10.00 a month by only selecting a 1 Meg download speed that removes you from getting the unlimited long distance for your phone and so on.
What they need to do is say for XXXXX amount of dollars you get these selections for XXXXX you only get these selections. Basically they know they are going to bust your wallet for $140.00 per month and this is what you are going to get. Great marketing plan guys, someone needs a big bonus for coming up with this one...

Some Times It Sucks Being A Geek




Boing Boing: Geek Squad oppressed by The Man for "unique color scheme"

It's Official........


I am pizza'd out. A Pizza Hut pizza lovers buffet for lunch. Meat Lovers, Cheese Lovers, Chicken Lovers and Hardening Of The Arteries Lovers we brought one of each back to the office for lunch. Arriving home after work the kids greet me with "Guess what we're having for dinner, PIZZA".

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Love Those Dove Girls



I am sure by now everyone has seen or heard about Dove Soap’s new ad campaign, highlighting the “Dove Girls”. They are on every billboard and bus that I seem to pass.
In case you have been under a rock the campaign features more average sized girls (sizes 4-12), clad in underwear (there’s a word I never thought I’d post).
Now Nike is considering starting a campaign featuring a sporty version of average women. Good for you Nike, everyone jumped on your "Livestrong" bracelet idea, go ahead and jump on the Dove wagon. It’s cheaper to hitch a ride than to pay for a new car.

What if this average sized women type campaign starts sweeping the country? Well for one all of the anorexic coke-freaked models will beout of work. These average sized women don’t end every meal hunched over the toilet as if they were driving a porcelain bus while busily ramming a finger down their throat.

All of this body image stuff brings to the surface another one of the many basic differences between men and women.
When a woman looks at the cover of People, Women’s Day etc…. and on the cover is a picture of say Terri Hatcher, women have tendency think “I wish my stomach was flat like hers” or “How come my hips look bigger than hers?” Worse case is they ask us these un-answerable questions, oh the horror.
When men look at the cover of Sports Illustrated and see Michael Vick the only thing we think about is “Man the things I could do with the mad cash he rakes in.” we really don’t care what he looks like, seriously. Now I personally might be envious of his hair but that’s about the extent of it.
I don’t think that the women of today are really na├»ve enough to believe that this Dove cream is going to reduce or minimize their curves. Maybe seeing these billboards will help with whatever self esteem issues they feel that other women (not men) or society has thrust upon them.
All I know that when I see the billboards I say “Cool, chicks in their underwear”.

Monday, August 22, 2005

A Picture Is Worth A 1000 Words


Gravity it's not just a good idea, it's the law.
Click picture to enlarge.

Damn I'm Getting Old


It looks like Donny Osmond (age 47) is going to become a "Grandfather" at any moment thanks to his 24 year old son.
I guess I am getting old. Lets see I'm 40 in 7 years "Goose" will be 23, oh dear.................

Sunday, August 21, 2005

I'm In A Magazine


Just kidding, besides I'm not really and author. Authors don't need spell and grammer checkers. I made this on a cool site "Magazine Cover". Check it out and you too can be somebody, really it says so on the cover of the magazine.
You will need a "Flickr' account that hosts your photo.

Funny Funny Funny


Watch Saturday Night Live's version of "Celebrity Jeopardy"

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Sorry Mom I Guess I Passed This Test



I usually hate those "What cartoon character are you" type of quizes, but I couldn't pass on this one.

Congratulations! You're 111 proof, with specific scores in beer (80) , wine (66), and liquor (78).


Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

"Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

* "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

* "So -- what are you wearing?"

* "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

* "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."

* "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

* "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

* "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

* "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

* "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

* "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

Thanks to "John"

What Is It / Picture Of The Week



Time for a collective "Ahhhhh, that's so cute". Check out the baby "Porcupines"

Gotta Have One Of These



I'm getting close to retiring the "Weber Grill" and during my search for a replacement I came across this little "Gem".

Friday, August 19, 2005

Long Week



Another long week. Flew out to Baltimore MD Sunday, slept, woke up, spent the day in Baltimore, slept, woke up, drove to Washington DC for the day back to Baltimore for a late flight to Raleigh NC, landed, drove to Winston Salem NC, slept, woke up, drove to Asheville NC for the day, drove to Hickory NC slept, woke up, spent the next day in Hickory NC, slept, woke up, drove to Athens Ga, for the day, drove to the Atlanta airport to pick up my car then fought traffic back to Frick's World.

Week Tally
2 planes (1 delayed flight, no upgrades)
2 rental cars
1500+ air and road miles
3 hotels
4 real good and hearty dinners
3 late nights
1 very late night
2 beers (maybe 3, I don't recall)
1 flaky high speed internet connection
1 nasty rainstorm

My Least Favorite Show



As I sit here "The Wife" & "Goose" are watching Gilmore Girls (again), this has got to be the worst show of shows. The constant bickering and rapid fire dialog makes my head rock with absolute agony. When they watch it both of them begin to act like 12 year olds.
I thought the WB only ran hip urban street-wise shows.....

My Kind Of Place



I was at a North Carolina hospital the other day and I believe I have found the Holy Grail. It's a Sleep Lab, man when I saw that sign I just wanted to run in and take a snooze. I get to sleep in the middle of the day.
The conversation between myself and the nurse would be very brief "oh' yeah go right ahead and hook me up to what ever wires or monitors you have on hand, I get to take a nap right. Yes Mr. Frick. I'm in lets go".

A Quick History Test

HISTORY TEST = Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40
Thanks to CB for the link

Poor Charles



Hey Charles Alfred Dreyling Jr. you get the dumb-ass of the week award. Apparently dude tried to board a plane with a pipe bomb (that was built for fun) that he forgot was in his luggage.
Now lets look at that last sentence. A pipe bomb that was built for fun, now I enjoy fun as much as the next guy, but fun for me runs along the lines of oh' lets see maybe spending the day fishing, having a couple of cold beers while grilling out or hanging with the Frick's World clan. I guess to each his own. Next Mr. Einstein say he forgot the pipe bomb was in his luggage. I travel a fair amount and for the most part I live out of a suitcase during the week but I have never mistaken a pipe bomb for lets say a can of shaving cream as I was in a rush to pack. Oh' I'm sorry Mr TSA Government Employee I was in a rush to pack and must have accidentally grabbed this pipe bomb off of my dresser. Here is a "LINK" to the story.
I think at a minimum Mr. Rocket Scientist should lose any frequent flyer miles for this trip and be forced to be the last person to board any flights he might take in the future.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Small Is Good



Nice coming in at 1" check out this "tiny player".

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Check Out The MashUp



Don't know if you have heard about "mashups" or not. For the most part you take two songs sung by two different artists and then lay the two songs on top of each other to create a mashup. This one is amazing, Kelly Clarkson & The Eagles. Download the "MP3" and have a listen.

15 Minutes



I had some idle time and came across "Warhol" and remembered some of his great "stuff". Here is a cheap-ass Photoshop version who knows maybe I will be famous for 15 posts instead of minutes.

Saturday, August 13, 2005



Picked up this little treat while filling up my gas tank last night. After $32.00 for gas what's an extra $5.00 for some well executed fun aimed at the kids.
Take one pack of gum that gives you a nice subtle shock when pulled, add 2 kids that salivate at the sight of gum, then add 1 Dad (me)and you are bound to have some before dinner fun.
"Goose" & "H" were more than welcome to accept a free stick of gum from good ole' kind hearted Dad. I think I saw the hair on "H"'s hair move as he eagerly tried to remove his stick of gum. The reason we had kids was so that we would have something to do when there's nothing on TV.

Lee Planted Himself Like A Tree

S. Korean man dies after 50 hours of computer games - Yahoo! News

I'm Taking The Low Tech Route



I'm letting the batteries die in my iPaq and going low tech (yeah right). I found this idea (I never have an original idea) at "43 Folders". I guess a lot of people saw the original "HipsterPDA" as well, and then the started posting their own version. Thanks to "Douglas" for the templates. Some 3x5 cards, file folder cover, binder clip and my "Moleskin" and I am ready to take on the world. During this process I found another use for a binder clip besides creating blood blisters on the end of my fingers.

Friday, August 12, 2005

whatisinmybag



Check out this Flickr set tagged "whatisinmybag". Click on the picture and you can see the notes that people add to their pictures. It's amazing to see all the gear we tote around.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Home

Back into Atlanta late last night, day trip to Charlotte NC and I am finally home..

Overheard this one today

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

I Took Your Picture First


iPods For Sale



Atlanta's airport has a vending machine that sells iPods. I wonder if when people buy them them they think they come loaded with tunes. Now let me see where I put my $300.00 in quarters.

It's 3:11pm



All right my very first flight home was too leave at 4:12 pm, they cancelled this flight and I was re-booked on the (read carefully) 2:44pm (now look at the title of this post and graphic) great I thought I would be home early.
We just heard over the speaker that there is a ground hold in Atlanta and they would give us an update at 3:45pm.
3:45pm that's close to the departure time of my cancelled flight. Come on Delta who are you fooling, you didn't cancel my original flight you just wanted me to think I was in the short line at the grocery store, what I feel like is that I'm on the short bus.


I just looked at the radar they could at least fly me to Chattanooga.

Header graphic stolen from "Human Clock".

Trying Too Get Home



Well after Delta has cancelled (2) flights on me this week I am at the airport heading home. At least they have free Wi-Fi, so I am doing my best to let everyone know "They have free Wi-Fi at the Lexington KY airport". High Speed access (FREE) has become the major focus of every road warrior. All hotels need to jump into this century, I can't count how, many times I have not booked a room at a particular hotel because they do not have High Speed Access (FREE). Dial up goes hand in hand with using AOL.


Here is a picture of my gate. I hope my pilot misses the giant pot hole and makes it to the jet way.

I made the Lexington Wi-Fi picture at "Polaroid-o-nizer", It's cool but you have to host the picture first before you can Polaroid-o-nizer it.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Another Hack



Continuing in our vain of hacks, here's one for "elevators"

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Spare Time



Ever wanted to hack a Pepsi Machine? Read this little "Gem". I do not endorse this or even know if it works, but it looks cool...........

Sleeping In Airports


If you are on the road and need a place to crash check out this "SITE". Reviews on which airports are worth sleeping in. Not bad if you are traveling on a budget.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Huh?


We spent the day up around Clarkesville, GA. We all love "BOILED" peanuts and came across the above sign at one of the local intersections.
I have ofter wondered who maintains these road side memorials (note the flowers). If my family opt's to go with the roadside memorial route to honor me I hope that they include something with some neon.

Rules... Rules.... Rules...


Well as "Goose" begins here High School adventure I have been blindly confronted with the realization that in the next 10 or 15 years she will be going on a date. I have scoured the web looking for some guidance with this looming situation. After searching I think I have found some assistance with "MY" problem. This has been blatantly stolen from HERE

10 Rules For Dating My Daughter
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Now That Has Gotta Hurt

Police: Man's testicles locked in padlock.
(worth clicking on because there are so many life lessons in the story)
As "The Dalai Lama" once said "when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." so I guess he still has that going for him.

I Couldn't Rsist


New marketing slogan: Hasta la Vista Windows

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Take 10 Paces Due North, Then 5 Paces.......


It seems as though "Goose" will be entering the highly competitive world of High School in the next week or so. Being the caring and supportive parents that we are, we participated in the ritual of High School orientation. Good thing we wore tennis shoes, up the stairs, down the hall, out the door, back in another door, down some more stairs, left at the second hallway. Room to room we went, just like the mountain scene from "The Sound Of Music" our own little von Trapp family hike.
I don't think the advisors that put together these schedules have ever bothered to undertake a walk through of these schedules.
"Goose" was pleased that she got a top locker. Lockers are bigger than when I went to school. I figured that there has been an additional 23 years of history and stuff since I graduated so the books are thicker and that requires bigger lockers.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Creating Peace, One Beverage At A Time


One of my co-workers came bounding into my office this afternoon so show me his new refreshing and fruity beverage. Look closely and you will see that it appears as if Morty Cohen and Angelo Lopez have formed a partnership and are now in the beverage business, selling Mango Nectar under their new corporate name "Jumex" next on the horizon is the Mexican Soul food restaurant "Nacho-Momma".

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Another Note To Myself


Last night I checked into my luxurious hotel and unpacked for a grueling one night stay. As nighttime drew near it was time for my nightly hygiene routine of floss, brush then rinse, always the same never changes although my dentist might argue the consistency of this routine. I opened my DOP kit to grab my brush and paste and came across a hotel shampoo bottle without a cap on it. I didn't give it much thought I just figured I was in a rush leaving the last hotel and grabbed any and everything in the bathroom as I made a hasty exit towards the complimentary continental breakfast. Well this thought would come back to haunt me in just a matter of moments. I flossed then applied some plaque buster toothpaste, ran my loaded brush under the faucet and began a' brushing. All of a sudden I was experiencing a new and odd taste. I looked in the mirror and saw bubbles escaping from the corners of my mouth. Not the normal rabid dog bubbles that toothpaste produces, but nice round floatable bubbles that soap produces, no wait make that shampoo produces. Apparently the gentle handling that my luggage received at the airport was gentle enough to remove the cap from my shampoo bottle and dump 2.1 oz. of shampoo onto my toothbrush. I guess my teeth are now as clean as my hair.