Wednesday, March 29, 2006
They say if you make something idiot-proof better idiots will begin showing up. Once again we have another kid stuck in a claw machine. Maybe we should just fill one of these machines up with kids and then when adults want one can just come along feed it a few quarters and have at it.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Well 30 years later it seems that the Monks can't scribe fast enough to keep with the high speed copiers and printers of today. So what's a Monk to do? branch out and diversify is what I say. That's just what the "Laser Monks" have done. Not only selling you needed copier and printer supplies but chocolates as well. Those are some crafty Monks...
After "The Strikers" suffered it's first lost in over a season "The Wife" announced that we were having fondue for dinner. I believe this was her failed attempt to cheer us up after the loss, I was more bummed out than "H" was.
After the general concept of fondue was explained to the kids followed by the promise of chocolate fondue for desert, the kids agreed that "It sounded fun". With "The Wife" lovingly gazing into my eyes she asked "Do you remember how much fun it was last time we had fondue?" Not being one able to remember last week my only reply was "Yeah, no make that hell yeah, it was a blast".
Back at "Casa de Frick" we cracked open a bottle of Yellow Tail Merlot and proceeded to slice and dice chicken and veggies.
Now lets fast forward almost a whole hour, the fondue pot resembles a pile of pick up sticks from all the forks shoved in it, no one can remember which color fork was theirs and after 45 minutes of cooking we have each only eaten 2 or 3 pieces of chicken, at this rate we'll finish dinner at midnight. At this point I know I must do something drastic, so we strip the forks of their wears and dump all of the remaining uncooked morsels into the pot "Bam" 6 minutes later we are eating. Now the desert part was easier and quicker. With half the house being female and thinking that chocolate is Gods way of saying he likes us, they would just as well not even wait for the chocolate to melt before shoving into their mouths.
After dinner "The Wife" and I settled down to watch "Rent" and close out the day. We started to recall out last fondue experience and here are the details: it was 17 years ago, there were no children involved and it was at a restaurant (we didn't have to clean up) no wonder we had a good time.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
This post is directed more towards the male readers than those of the female persuasion. Check out "ShaveBlog", as one that shaves his head as well as most of the real estate on his face this site is informative and intriguing.
From his reviews of the double-edge safety razors that I grew up watching my Dad use to his descriptions of badger hair shaving brushes Corey makes me almost look forward to shaving in the morning. In case you are wondering my personal endorsement for shaving your melon is none other than the "Head Blade".
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
The above photo is visible proof of what can happen to the bedspread before you ever check into your room. The shirt and towel are both soaked in sweat and the shoes have been, well they're shoes so they have been dragged through all kinds of stuff. Now I'm not going to tell you what town or hotel this was taken in lets just call it a game of "Bedspread Roulette".
Travel Tip #19
Travel Tip #18
Travel Tip #17
Travel Tip #16
Travel Tip #15
Saturday, March 18, 2006
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
and the winners are:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3 abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavoredmouthwash.
9 flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Definition: Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
I doing a little web-surfing this morning (research as I like to call it) and I stumble across this add for "The Big & Beautiful People Network". Now from looking at the text on the banner I would think that this site is for people that, how would you say, weigh a little more than the Olson twins (combined). No, the folks in the picture seem to be of a weight that I'm envious of. Well then maybe it's for folks that are lets say 6'5" or taller. No, all the pictures seem to show people of an average height, once again there's that twinge of jealousy. Well then maybe it's a BIG (because they have so many members) network filled with just beautiful people, because I sure haven't seen one ugly person on their whole site. I guess I'm just confused.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
I have found through my travels that no matter what town, city or state you are in and no matter what Mexican restaurant you stop in for a bite they all have a "Speedy" plate on the lunch menu.
We were heading back to the office and we came across the sign below. "No Loitering" complete with 3 chairs now that's someone being an absolute genius.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Blind Students Required To Pass Driver's Ed
(AP) CHICAGO Most high school students eagerly await the day they pass driver's education class. But Mayra Ramirez is indifferent about it. Ramirez is blind, yet she and dozens of other visually impaired sophomores in Chicago's public school system are required to pass a written rules-of-the-road exam in order to graduate -- a rule they say takes time away from learning material they might actually use. "LINK"
Another example of our elected officials really thinking things through. I am surprised they don't make these blind kids try and solve a Rubiks Cube.
For crying out load I have a seeing enabled child (that's so very PC) with a learners permit and who has already managed to bounce a car off of a cement curb.
Brent Johnston, a teacher at a suburban high school and chairman of the Illinois High School/College Driver's Education Association, told the Chicago Tribune that the classes aren't a waste of time for blind students. "I don't think you can ever get enough traffic safety," Johnston said. "Still, this shouldn't be the school's decision; it should be mom and dad's decision. A little commonsense would go a long way."
I couldn't have said it better myself all we want is just a little common sense, not a lot just a little. I guess it's kind of like taking swimming lessons and then when your done being told you can go swimming but just don't get wet.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Last year I just had a blast with the "Runaway Bride". Something is just plain funny about someone melting completely down right before their wedding, leaving the state, making up lies and then your boyfriend still sticking byyour side. It seems that our local minor league hockey team "The Gladiators" decided to have one of those great minor league promotions/giveaways last weekend with a "Runaway Bride Bobblehead Doll". Now as everyone knows your bobblehead doll has to have a name and these marketing geniuses named this one the "Runaway Bride Any Similarity to Actual Persons is Unintended and Purely Coincidental" bobblehead doll. The first 1000 people at the game received one of theses and reportedly the supply was deleted in just 10 minutes. Now if I was lucky enough to have walked away with one of these trinkets where would I put it you might ask. Well to tell you the truth I would put it in the only place that a treasure as priceless as this should exist "eBay" check it out. Ain't America great.............
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO:
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, but too old to really understand computers to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, enjoy, reflect and remember what real comedians were like. Those of you who are too young to remember this hilarious duo should make every attempt to watch their videos, DVD's or search for them on the "oldies" TV channel. It will be worth your time to really laugh.
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who' s on First?" might have gone something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
COSTELLO: For my office?
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A few days later:
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"
Monday, March 06, 2006
Copier Technician: Sir, your software isn't compatible with this machine. It's outdated.
Office Manager: Well, the sales guy promised it would work.
Copier Technician: Did you try it out before you bought it?
Office Manager: No, I trusted the sales guy that it would do what he said it would do.
Copier Technician: Well, this isn't the first time you've dealt with a sales person, is it? When I make a significant purchase, I try it before I sign the contract.
Office Manager: How you ever going to get married, son?
Copier Technician: Sorry?
Office Manager: I said how you ever going to get married?
Copier Technician: I am married, sir.
Office Manager: Well, did you try out your wife before you got married?
Copier Technician: What?
310 Dorla Court
Zephyr Cove, Nevada
Sunday, March 05, 2006
How far do you think you can run with a few Gigabillion volts of electricity taking control of your body? These cops have figured out it's about 5 feet (maybe 5 and a half).
"Get out of the car or I'm going to taser you"
I think everyone has seen this one but it's still funny
I'm sure there is a warning label on the side of these things.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
I love desk toys, I have a mini remote control car, a pack of gum that shocks you, a small everlast punching bag, etc...... all within easy reach just in case I find myself in the office.
After a few weeks on the road I stopped by "Staples" over weekend to stock upon road supplies and I came across an EASY BUTTON (See crappy camera phone picture) taken right from the Staples commercials.
Hit the big red button and this things belts out "That was easy". Hit it "That was easy" hit it again "That was easy" get the picture. Matter of fact we ended a painfully long conference call this afternoon by slapping that big red button and all we could hear on the other end of the phone was "Damn right this was easy"
Desk toys do rock.