Sunday, March 25, 2007

I Think I Found A New Way To Get An Upgrade

Man flies first class seated near corpse
Woman upgraded after dying in economy during flight from Delhi to London

LONDON - A passenger in first class woke up to a shock when he found himself sitting near a corpse on a British Airways flight, British newspapers reported on Monday. Paul Trinder, 54, said cabin crew moved the body of the elderly woman from the economy section where she had died after take-off, the Mirror and Sun tabloids said. "The corpse was strapped into the seat but because of turbulence it kept slipping down on to the floor," Trinder, a businessman, was quoted as saying. "It was horrific. The body had to be wedged in place with lots of pillows."

This story teaches me a few things:
1) Never go to sleep in first class.
2) They might not upgrade you at boarding time, but you still have a shot a riding up front.
It seems like the flight crew might have watched "Weekend At Bernie's" in the last few weeks because it can't possibly be written in the flight manual to "Give an automatic upgrade to any passengers that expire during flight".
All in all this is sad, not the way I'd want to check-out, if you know what I mean.
I wonder if you bought the preflight insurance if it would pay up.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

View From Here

Fairfield, NJ
Crowne Plaza #547

View From Here

Roanoke VA
Hampton Inn #236

Zone 9

Delta is pissed at me, and I guess it's my fault. You see during the last year I wasn't as faithful to Delta as I was in the past, I showed some love to AirTran and to SouthWest airlines, I drove to some places instead of flying and I used "GoToMeeting" a bunch instead of hopping on a plane. In return for all this I have lost all medallion status with Delta. And in return for this lack of loyalty Delta had placed me in Zone 9 on my last two trips. Here is how bad Zone 9 is: While waiting to board this is what I heard over the intercom system "If your boarding pass does not have a zone number on it please board with Zone 7", not Zone 9 but Zone 7.

In my last two trips I have figured out what Zone 9 means.
There will be no overhead space left for your luggage.
There is a pretty good chance that the already seated passengers are going to give you the "Stink Eye" when you say "Do you mind getting up so I can get to my seat?"
There is at least 20 minutes in the boarding process between Zone 1 and Zone 9, you still have time to go to the bathroom.

Here is what no Medallion status means.
No upgrades.
If you call into the 800 number you will speak to at least 3 different people before you talk to a person that can actually help you.
No more short lines when going into the TSA line.
No overhead space left for you.
When choosing your seat you get different choices than Medallion members, same goes for choosing an earlier flight.
And finally you understand what Zone 9 is all about.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Letter Of The Week

Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and bullshit with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?

Dear Clueless,

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one.