Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Maine man faces OUI charge atop Zamboni

PORTLAND, Maine—A Portland man faces a drunken driving charge after police found him aboard an idling Zamboni inside the Cumberland County Civic Center.

Police and firefighters were alerted by an alarm at about 2 a.m. Tuesday that somebody was inside the arena, which is home to the Portland Pirates hockey team.

Police officers discovered 22-year-old Adam Patterson attempting to operate the Zamboni, which had crashed into a wall inside the civic center's storage area.

Police say Patterson appeared to be intoxicated, and that he had also operated two fork lifts and damaged a sprinkler system, interior walls and a hockey net. Patterson was charged with operating under the influence, burglary, criminal mischief and violation of bail conditions. "LINK"

Not only a functional drunk but so functional of a drunk that he shows up for work. Adam is such a stellar empolyee that we was willing to help out the fork lift boys and as an added plus he can the sprinkler repair boys something to do during this economic slow down. alchol the great equalizer and material provider.

Picture Of The Week

The lesson here is that we all need to learn to adapt. Stolen from ""

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Something For My Wife

I am secure in my marriage & my manhood, here's something for "The Wife".
Please mature audience only, Thank You

Spoiler Alert

I haven't seen the movie and I don't know if it's true but I saw this on "Cinemablend"

Saturday, December 27, 2008

A Rant And Then Some

You just gotta love Oreo's, they fill you up (3 cookies 160 calories), they go great with milk, and you can combine them with other good stuff (for example - cream cheese & white chocolate) to make great stuff.

OK, here's the rant part - what's up with this NEW easily re-sealed bag? Around here there's no need for an Oreo bag to ever be re-sealed, they don't last that long. Once you pull back the seal on this redesigned bag you still need Houdini to extricate the cookies from their plastic grave.
So I'm making "Oreo Balls" which after you extricate the Oreo's from the newly engineered bag requires that you mix the cookies into a fine chocolaty powder.

Now here's the "then some" part. In case you didn't know know this - When using a blender to crush the Oreos and the Oreo powder gets impacted around the blades - do not, in frustration, ram a wooden spoon into the depths of the chocolaty powder. Because you end up with chocolaty powder mixed with toothpicks and a useless spoon.
I'm sure the beer in the above picture did not impact my judgment in this situation.
Fast forward - another trip to the store and the involvement of a slightly heavier duty piece of kitchen equipment - no more broken spoons and a tray of "Oreo Balls" in the fridge.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Need A Gift For The Hunter In Your Life?

How about a camo can of "Miller High Life" no make that a six pack. Seems these cans have been out since the start of hunting season I just haven't made it to that end of the beer isle till today. We've got company coming & I'm not stocking up on the good stuff just I can watch them drink it and then leave.
Are we that worried that Bambi might see us tossing back a cold one that we just had to have camo beer cans? How are the local teenagerss that stash beer in the nearby woods ever going to be able to find their stash again? I bet the marketing genius that came up with this idea got a big Christmas bonus. And $4.79 for a six pack of "Miller High Life" someone must be hitting the crack pipe.

This Is Tech Support, How May I Help You

A nine year-old girl in India named M. Lavinashree has passed the Microsoft Certified Professional Exam, becoming the youngest person to ever pull it off (smashing the record previously held by a 10 year-old Pakistani girl). The youngster has a long history of making records in her short life -- including reciting all 1,300 couplets of a 2,000 year-old Tamil epic at the age of three -- and now she's now cramming for the Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer Exam. We'll be honest, this really takes the zing out of our biggest accomplishment at the age of nine: figuring out where in the world Carmen Sandiego was. "via Engadget"

I bet she took something easy such as the "XP exam" - I wonder what her American name will be when she answering phones for Dell, IBM or HP, maybe Betty or Alice. Yeah, at age 9 I was still trying to tie my shoes so I give her a tip of the 'ol hat.

Monday, December 22, 2008

More Christmas Tunes

Those "List Of The Day" dudes have your second installment of Christmas tunes, just in time for the holidays Best Of The Worst Christmas Albums, Vol. 2

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Stuff I Saw Today

"The Wife" and I spent the better part of the day finishing up Christmas shopping for the kids. Folks are so friendly this time of the year.

One of the stops we made was at "American Eagle". This is one of "H's" favorite stores and I believe that it's directed at his demographic, under 18 years of age. In addition to apparel these fine folks just may sell fake ID's because they had a whole rack of winter hats for sale that had a bottle opener attached to the side of it.

The next thing I saw was not a gift for the kids. I saw a genuine "Deluxe Ashtray". Now I'm not a smoker but as I understand the concept an ashtray is pretty much an ashtray, it catches ashes, right? So what in the hell makes this a "Deluxe Ashtray"? I looked it over and it didn't have any lights or velcro or writing or anything that screamed to me that this is a "Deluxe Ashtray".

The last thing I saw today was in my kitchen - it was a 7lb spaghetti casserole. I've never seen anything in my kitchen that was this dense or bubbly, good thing it's a heavy carb day.......

Friday, December 19, 2008

Christmas Carols for AP Psychos

"Goose" came home from school today toting these Christmas tunes for nut jobs, it made me smile......

1. Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia - I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees

6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Full Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

10. Agoraphobia - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11. Senile Dementia - Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12 Oppositional Defiant Disorder - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

14. Clinical Depression - Away in a manger, I can't get out of bed, these thoughts of suicide are filling my head.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

For Your Christmas Listeniing Pleasure

The folks over at "List Of The Day" have taken care your your holiday listening needs with

Best Of The Worst Christmas Albums, Vol. 1"

I just hope that there's a volume 2.

It's That Time Of The Year

The Smoking Gun presents "2008 Mug Shots Of The Year", it does not get any better than this - Silverman. Cow Lady * Tattoo Man they're all in there. What a way to end the year......

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Video Of The Day

"DP" sent me this and you may have seen it, but I've been living in a hole....

Human Slinky Halftime Basketball Creighton University Omaha NE - Watch more Sports Videos

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Breakfast Around Here

usually contains oatmeal, especially on chilly mornings.

Mine - Steel cut oats, peanut butter & protein powder

The Wife - In the form of a cookie with raisins, of course.

Lets Jump In The Time Machine

and fast forward a couple of months to when the big analog to digital TV conversion takes place.
This is your Grandmother & this is what you're in store for.

Still Looking For A Christmas Gift?

Take a gander at the "Team Elitefts Holiday Tips (e-Book)" All proceeds go to Make-A-Wish Foundation® and just think you don't have to fight the crowds or traffic and you don't have to wrap it or pay to ship it. Does it get any better?

Friday, December 12, 2008

View From Here

Charlotte NC
Hilton #631

Place I've stayed & eaten @

View Larger Map

Sunday, December 07, 2008

It's the Holiday Season

The Fall decorations are tucked (shoved in a closet) away and the Christmas gear is starting to creep in. I'm free from decorating until next weekend, when the wreaths get hung (with care).

View From Here

Nashville TN
Springhill Suites

Hunting Season Is Here

and choose your accessories wisely.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Career Counseling

With "Goose" fast approaching her first year in college it's only fair to pigeon hole an 18 year old into deciding what they want to do for the rest of their life - I mean it would only be a couple of bucks for her to change her major during her Junior year - right?
Being a responsible parent I put together a list of some good career choices and some not so good career choices.

Jobs In Demand

NFL Trainers that can treat a gunshot wound "Link"
Barber "Link"
Number changer for gas station signs "Link"
"You go now you been here 4 hours" buffet police "Link"
Relocation specialist for the Real Housewives of Atlanta "Link"
Baby sitter for Bill Clinton "Link"

Jobs Not So Much In Demand

Pilot for auto manufacturers private jet "Link"
Circuit City greeter "Link"
AIG event planner "Link"
Republican press secretary "No Link Needed"
Ball point pen manufacturer for signing car loans "Link"

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Just What The Soccer Moms Needed

Born to Run? Little Ones Get Test for Sports Gene

Published: November 29, 2008

BOULDER, Colo. — When Donna Campiglia learned recently that a genetic test might be able to determine which sports suit the talents of her 2 ½-year-old son, Noah, she instantly said, Where can I get it and how much does it cost?

“I could see how some people might think the test would pigeonhole your child into doing fewer sports or being exposed to fewer things, but I still think it’s good to match them with the right activity,” Ms. Campiglia, 36, said as she watched a toddler class at Boulder Indoor Soccer in which Noah struggled to take direction from the coach between juice and potty breaks.

“I think it would prevent a lot of parental frustration,” she said.
"Read More"

This will be the controversial story of the day, no doubt. While I fully understand the importance of the science behind this test somehow the way we used do it seemed to work pretty good.
Back in the day if Johnny was fast, now a days we call that explosive - we made him run down field to catch the ball and if Billy was strong, now a days we call that power - we put him on the line. At some point Johnny always wanted to play on the line and then, usually on the first play, Johnny would get flattened and pull a Michelangelo - laying down on his back looking up at the sky. Somehow our unscientific method worked out and placed us where we performed the best.
Besides what's next arranged marriages between 2 super athletes to produce super-duper athletic offspring.
Instead of swabbing their mouth, get these kids in the gym or out on the practice field.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Dinner Time

Grandma with some of the Grandkids


Yet Another Life Tip

Car Hits, Kills SC Man 'Relieving Himself' In Road

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

ANDERSON, S.C. -- Authorities say a South Carolina man was standing in the middle of a road to relieve himself when
he was fatally struck by a passing car.
Anderson County Coroner Greg Shore tells the Anderson Independent-Mail that 28-year-old Markie Hood died shortly
after he was hit around 1:45 a.m. Wednesday.
Shore said Hood and two friends were driving home after drinking at a Pendleton bar when the driver let Hood and his
friend out on U.S. 76 near Interstate 85 to relieve themselves and drove away.
The second man left the scene after Hood was hit. Shore said he nearly hit that man as he drove to the scene.
Troopers said they have no plans to charge the driver of the passing car. "LINK"

Two life tips in the same week.
This tip is easy "Don't pee in any place that doesn't have a door and don't pee any place that has a traffic light".
Of course you know as well as I do that the key to this article is the phrase "after drinking at a Pendleton bar"

Gas Update

Paid before yesterdays road trip. Remember 3 short years ago "LINK"

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Parents clash over kids' Thanksgiving costumes

by Seema Mehta - Nov. 24, 2008 10:26 PM
Los Angeles Times

LOS ANGELES - For decades, kindergarten students in Claremont have celebrated Thanksgiving by dressing up as Pilgrims and American Indians and sharing a traditional feast.

But Tuesday, when the youngsters meet for their traditional turkey and songs, they will be stripped of their hand-made paper bonnets, headdresses and fringed vests.

Parents in this quiet university town about 30 miles east of downtown are divided over what these construction-paper symbols represent: A simple child's depiction of the traditional (if not wholly accurate) tale of two factions setting aside differences to give thanks over a shared meal? Or a cartoonish stereotype of a people that would never be allowed of other groups?
"Read More" if you can stomach it........

The pussification of America continues and once again it's parents screwing it up for everyone else. Growing up I was not one of the "better" students - does not apply himself, not working up to his full potential you know the drill.
One thing I vividly remember is during the fall unit we learned of Pilgrims, the Mayflower & Thanksgiving. We usually wrapped all this up with our parents coming in for a performance and a feast. It's how we learned about our history most of it fabricated, but we learned, we participated, we came together.
I'm curious as to how many of these young ones really feel discriminated by not being an Indian or a Pilgrim, I have a feeling that the kids are more excited about getting dressed up, getting out of doing any real school work and then to top it off have a few days without school.

The Perfect Christmas Gift For The Wine Lover

I wonder if it works with USB 1.0
The French think of everything plus they make good fries

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Say It Ain't So.......

It's apparently not entirely self-evident that when your company needs a taxpayer bailout you shouldn't get a "bonus," so money-sucking insurer AIG has written a letter to NY Attorney General Andrew Cuomo promising that their top executives will not get bonuses this year.

In the letter, AIG says they are "extremely grateful" for the support they have received from taxpayers, and as their way of showing how "prudently" they are acting, they will not be giving bonuses to their top seven executives. The rest will get bonuses, but won't be getting a raise this year.

They also promise that they are "developing" a way to insure that no taxpayer dollars are used for bonuses for the top 60 executives in the future.

Cuomo reacted favorable to the news, says ABC. "From The Consumerist"

I'm hoping the above will be debunked by "Snopes" but I have a feeling that it won't because as we've seen before "fact is stranger than fiction".

Thanks AIG for promising not to use any taxpayer dollars for executive bonuses & thank you again for not presenting your top 7 executives with any bonuses.

The only thing these folks should be presented with is a "Pink Slip". Unbelievable the executives that should be held accountable still have jobs - with great power comes great responsibility.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Picture Of The Week

Another Life Tip

Nude pics in phone lost at McDonald's get online
2 days ago
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. (AP) — Here's some food for thought: If you have nude photos of your wife on your cell phone, hang onto it. Phillip Sherman of Arkansas learned that lesson after he left his phone behind at a McDonald's restaurant and the photos ended up online. Now he and his wife, Tina, are suing the McDonald's Corp., the franchise owner and the store manager. The suit was filed Friday and seeks a jury trial and $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment and the cost of having to move to a new home. The suit says that Phillip Sherman left the phone the Fayetteville store in July and that employees promised to secure it until he returned. Manager Aaron Brummley declined to comment, and other company officials didn't return messages. "LINK"

I can't believe that I have to post this as a life tip but here goes - Unless you have consented to and signed a bunch of legal looking papers do not pose nude for a camera, even if your better half is on the other side of the lens, because at some point (mark my words) it will come back to haunt you.
If you pose naked for a cell phone picture you're a dumb ass and whatever happens to you, you probably deserve.

Oh wait a second I have a feeling that Mr Sherman might be able to walk away from this with a life lesson - "Don't leave your cell phone lying around"

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Kids Just Don't Understand

Way way way back in the 80's there was a song "Parents Just Don't Understand" done by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince aka.. Will Smith, before he was an actor he was a rapper. Someone needs to update that song and make a "Kids Just Don't Understand" version.....
Yesterday was clean the house day and I drew short straw - clean the upstairs - which actually entails a pre-clean before the actual cleaning can begin.
The pre-clean yesterday consisted of getting all the clothes and other assorted junk off the floor before vacuuming could begin. I take a more tough-love approach to the pre-clean than most others in the house, everything on the floor goes on the bed, in other words I ain't cleaning up their mess.
I didn't hear much complaining until 11:00pm when they got ready for bed and lo' and behold they both discovered that their bed was full of their junk.

How can a girl be so messy? Even the cat is unfazed must mean he's used to it.
I can't believe that "H" has anything left in his closet, but he does.
When it comes to tracking a childs growth most people put a little mark on the doorway molding, not "H" he slaps all of the size stickers from his clothes on his closet doors. Yeah Kids Just Don't Understand......

When The Car Wash Attacks

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Rough Day

What do these guys do that make them sleep this much?

Cool Stuff

I'm a pretty big pen freak I've used the same "Montblanc" for close to 20 years. For the money, in my opinion, the "G2's" can't be beat & I always have a handful of "Sharpie Minis" in my computer bag.
Check out this cool highlighter I saw on the "Good Pens" website. From "Kokuyo" you can now highlight till your hearts content.

Here's another thing I've been to numerous technical training classes and in every class there's some propeller head that breaks out a highlighter and highlights everything on the freaking page.

If you highlight everything on the page is anything really highlighted?

Friday, November 21, 2008

View From Here

New Orleans, LA
Marriott Courtyard #314

Fairfield NJ
Crowne Plaza #412

Hotels I've Stayed @

View Larger Map

Thursday, November 20, 2008


It's not just for getting rid of that old bed in the basement, it can apparently be used for finding something to put in that old bed in the basement.

I spent many a summers just outside of Asheville, at "camp", and beleive me if a bunch over testosterone fueled lads ad known this kind of stuff existed just down the road there would have been many more adventures into to town.

ASHEVILLE – Police arrested eight women in a recent series of special operations targeting alleged prostitution on the Craigslist Web site.

Over the last few weeks, officers from the Asheville Police Department and Buncombe County Sheriff's Office have posed as traveling businessmen seeking prostitutes that have posted notices on Craigslist, according to an APD news release. Craigslist is an online network featuring free classified ads for jobs, internships, housing, personals, as well as a section for erotic services.

Police officials said the department has received numerous complaints about these listing, relating to fraud, robbery and prostitution.

Police charged the following women with soliciting for prostitution following the sting: Melissa Sexton Wilson, of Alexander; Dawn Foreman Jones, of Asheville; Lisa Leikos, of Burnsville; Karen Black, of Smyrna, Ga.; Amanda Smith, of Asheville; and Shelly Sluder, of Asheville, who also was charged with drug possession.

Police also charged Audra Leigh Bradley, of Black Mountain, with practicing massage without a license; and Emily Denise Miller, of Asheville, with practicing massage and adult entertainment without a license and a city ordinance violation. "LINK"

Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - Big Three Auto Execs Flew in Luxury Jets to Seek Multibillion-Dollar Bailout - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News - Big Three Auto Execs Flew in Luxury Jets to Seek Multibillion-Dollar Bailout - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News

The CEOs of the Big Three automakers reportedly flew private luxury jets to Washington to plead for a $25 billion taxpayer bailout to save their debt-ridden industry — ringing up tens of thousands in charges even as they cried poverty.

You're kidding right, please someone tell me this ain't true. These guys should have all flown coach, been forced to board in Zone 6 & sit next to a screaming toddler.
Have these asses never attended a single basic sales seminar. You don't show up trying to close Pepsi Co. and when asked what would you like to drink, reply "I'd like a Coke please". Sales 101 and always remember "Coffee is for closers"
Get your shirt "HERE"

Monday, November 17, 2008

A Few More Signs

Chowed down on pizza @ "Lombardi's" this evening and actually learned a few things.

How true, how true.
I was afraid to ask what this meant.

Good Sign - Bad Sign I'm Not Sure

As I go to get in my rental this morning what do I spot on the ground in the spot next to mine but a knife. It looked like a steak knife not a murder weapon type knife which is good and it looked clean which is a really good sign. I did not dust it for prints or call CSI, I just assumed that it was the Chamber of Commerce welcoming me to town.