Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Maine man faces OUI charge atop Zamboni

PORTLAND, Maine—A Portland man faces a drunken driving charge after police found him aboard an idling Zamboni inside the Cumberland County Civic Center.

Police and firefighters were alerted by an alarm at about 2 a.m. Tuesday that somebody was inside the arena, which is home to the Portland Pirates hockey team.

Police officers discovered 22-year-old Adam Patterson attempting to operate the Zamboni, which had crashed into a wall inside the civic center's storage area.

Police say Patterson appeared to be intoxicated, and that he had also operated two fork lifts and damaged a sprinkler system, interior walls and a hockey net. Patterson was charged with operating under the influence, burglary, criminal mischief and violation of bail conditions. "LINK"

Not only a functional drunk but so functional of a drunk that he shows up for work. Adam is such a stellar empolyee that we was willing to help out the fork lift boys and as an added plus he can the sprinkler repair boys something to do during this economic slow down. alchol the great equalizer and material provider.

Picture Of The Week

The lesson here is that we all need to learn to adapt. Stolen from ""

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Something For My Wife

I am secure in my marriage & my manhood, here's something for "The Wife".
Please mature audience only, Thank You

Spoiler Alert

I haven't seen the movie and I don't know if it's true but I saw this on "Cinemablend"

Saturday, December 27, 2008

A Rant And Then Some

You just gotta love Oreo's, they fill you up (3 cookies 160 calories), they go great with milk, and you can combine them with other good stuff (for example - cream cheese & white chocolate) to make great stuff.

OK, here's the rant part - what's up with this NEW easily re-sealed bag? Around here there's no need for an Oreo bag to ever be re-sealed, they don't last that long. Once you pull back the seal on this redesigned bag you still need Houdini to extricate the cookies from their plastic grave.
So I'm making "Oreo Balls" which after you extricate the Oreo's from the newly engineered bag requires that you mix the cookies into a fine chocolaty powder.

Now here's the "then some" part. In case you didn't know know this - When using a blender to crush the Oreos and the Oreo powder gets impacted around the blades - do not, in frustration, ram a wooden spoon into the depths of the chocolaty powder. Because you end up with chocolaty powder mixed with toothpicks and a useless spoon.
I'm sure the beer in the above picture did not impact my judgment in this situation.
Fast forward - another trip to the store and the involvement of a slightly heavier duty piece of kitchen equipment - no more broken spoons and a tray of "Oreo Balls" in the fridge.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Need A Gift For The Hunter In Your Life?

How about a camo can of "Miller High Life" no make that a six pack. Seems these cans have been out since the start of hunting season I just haven't made it to that end of the beer isle till today. We've got company coming & I'm not stocking up on the good stuff just I can watch them drink it and then leave.
Are we that worried that Bambi might see us tossing back a cold one that we just had to have camo beer cans? How are the local teenagerss that stash beer in the nearby woods ever going to be able to find their stash again? I bet the marketing genius that came up with this idea got a big Christmas bonus. And $4.79 for a six pack of "Miller High Life" someone must be hitting the crack pipe.

This Is Tech Support, How May I Help You

A nine year-old girl in India named M. Lavinashree has passed the Microsoft Certified Professional Exam, becoming the youngest person to ever pull it off (smashing the record previously held by a 10 year-old Pakistani girl). The youngster has a long history of making records in her short life -- including reciting all 1,300 couplets of a 2,000 year-old Tamil epic at the age of three -- and now she's now cramming for the Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer Exam. We'll be honest, this really takes the zing out of our biggest accomplishment at the age of nine: figuring out where in the world Carmen Sandiego was. "via Engadget"

I bet she took something easy such as the "XP exam" - I wonder what her American name will be when she answering phones for Dell, IBM or HP, maybe Betty or Alice. Yeah, at age 9 I was still trying to tie my shoes so I give her a tip of the 'ol hat.

Monday, December 22, 2008

More Christmas Tunes

Those "List Of The Day" dudes have your second installment of Christmas tunes, just in time for the holidays Best Of The Worst Christmas Albums, Vol. 2

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Stuff I Saw Today

"The Wife" and I spent the better part of the day finishing up Christmas shopping for the kids. Folks are so friendly this time of the year.

One of the stops we made was at "American Eagle". This is one of "H's" favorite stores and I believe that it's directed at his demographic, under 18 years of age. In addition to apparel these fine folks just may sell fake ID's because they had a whole rack of winter hats for sale that had a bottle opener attached to the side of it.

The next thing I saw was not a gift for the kids. I saw a genuine "Deluxe Ashtray". Now I'm not a smoker but as I understand the concept an ashtray is pretty much an ashtray, it catches ashes, right? So what in the hell makes this a "Deluxe Ashtray"? I looked it over and it didn't have any lights or velcro or writing or anything that screamed to me that this is a "Deluxe Ashtray".

The last thing I saw today was in my kitchen - it was a 7lb spaghetti casserole. I've never seen anything in my kitchen that was this dense or bubbly, good thing it's a heavy carb day.......

Friday, December 19, 2008

Christmas Carols for AP Psychos

"Goose" came home from school today toting these Christmas tunes for nut jobs, it made me smile......

1. Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia - I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees

6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Full Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

10. Agoraphobia - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11. Senile Dementia - Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12 Oppositional Defiant Disorder - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

14. Clinical Depression - Away in a manger, I can't get out of bed, these thoughts of suicide are filling my head.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

For Your Christmas Listeniing Pleasure

The folks over at "List Of The Day" have taken care your your holiday listening needs with

Best Of The Worst Christmas Albums, Vol. 1"

I just hope that there's a volume 2.

It's That Time Of The Year

The Smoking Gun presents "2008 Mug Shots Of The Year", it does not get any better than this - Silverman. Cow Lady * Tattoo Man they're all in there. What a way to end the year......

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Video Of The Day

"DP" sent me this and you may have seen it, but I've been living in a hole....

Human Slinky Halftime Basketball Creighton University Omaha NE - Watch more Sports Videos

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Breakfast Around Here

usually contains oatmeal, especially on chilly mornings.

Mine - Steel cut oats, peanut butter & protein powder

The Wife - In the form of a cookie with raisins, of course.

Lets Jump In The Time Machine

and fast forward a couple of months to when the big analog to digital TV conversion takes place.
This is your Grandmother & this is what you're in store for.

Still Looking For A Christmas Gift?

Take a gander at the "Team Elitefts Holiday Tips (e-Book)" All proceeds go to Make-A-Wish Foundation® and just think you don't have to fight the crowds or traffic and you don't have to wrap it or pay to ship it. Does it get any better?

Friday, December 12, 2008

View From Here

Charlotte NC
Hilton #631

Place I've stayed & eaten @

View Larger Map

Sunday, December 07, 2008

It's the Holiday Season

The Fall decorations are tucked (shoved in a closet) away and the Christmas gear is starting to creep in. I'm free from decorating until next weekend, when the wreaths get hung (with care).

View From Here

Nashville TN
Springhill Suites

Hunting Season Is Here

and choose your accessories wisely.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Career Counseling

With "Goose" fast approaching her first year in college it's only fair to pigeon hole an 18 year old into deciding what they want to do for the rest of their life - I mean it would only be a couple of bucks for her to change her major during her Junior year - right?
Being a responsible parent I put together a list of some good career choices and some not so good career choices.

Jobs In Demand

NFL Trainers that can treat a gunshot wound "Link"
Barber "Link"
Number changer for gas station signs "Link"
"You go now you been here 4 hours" buffet police "Link"
Relocation specialist for the Real Housewives of Atlanta "Link"
Baby sitter for Bill Clinton "Link"

Jobs Not So Much In Demand

Pilot for auto manufacturers private jet "Link"
Circuit City greeter "Link"
AIG event planner "Link"
Republican press secretary "No Link Needed"
Ball point pen manufacturer for signing car loans "Link"

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Just What The Soccer Moms Needed

Born to Run? Little Ones Get Test for Sports Gene

Published: November 29, 2008

BOULDER, Colo. — When Donna Campiglia learned recently that a genetic test might be able to determine which sports suit the talents of her 2 ½-year-old son, Noah, she instantly said, Where can I get it and how much does it cost?

“I could see how some people might think the test would pigeonhole your child into doing fewer sports or being exposed to fewer things, but I still think it’s good to match them with the right activity,” Ms. Campiglia, 36, said as she watched a toddler class at Boulder Indoor Soccer in which Noah struggled to take direction from the coach between juice and potty breaks.

“I think it would prevent a lot of parental frustration,” she said.
"Read More"

This will be the controversial story of the day, no doubt. While I fully understand the importance of the science behind this test somehow the way we used do it seemed to work pretty good.
Back in the day if Johnny was fast, now a days we call that explosive - we made him run down field to catch the ball and if Billy was strong, now a days we call that power - we put him on the line. At some point Johnny always wanted to play on the line and then, usually on the first play, Johnny would get flattened and pull a Michelangelo - laying down on his back looking up at the sky. Somehow our unscientific method worked out and placed us where we performed the best.
Besides what's next arranged marriages between 2 super athletes to produce super-duper athletic offspring.
Instead of swabbing their mouth, get these kids in the gym or out on the practice field.