Monday, May 30, 2005

A Very Wet Memorial Day

We had a wet and soggy Memorial Day cook-out. A feast of hamburger, hotdogs, turkey sausage, corn, fruit salad, baked beans & tater tot casserole (Are you gonna eat your tots?). We were forced to grill under the dryness of the wysteria bush as the adult males nursed ice cold Bass Ale from the bottle.

"Goose" spent some quality time with Mr. Nathan as "H" tried to baby proof the house. Mr. Nathan is now walking and Frick's World is a whole new un-explored place to him. Cider even managed to give him a kiss.

Mr. Russ, "H" & Cider partake in a friendly game of wet dodgeball. Cider stood by the grill keeping an open eye for any escaped hamburgers.

It's now 7:30 we've cleaned up and our company has departed and of course the rain has stopped. At least there are a couple of Bass Ale's left in the fridge.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

For All The Stone's Fans I May Have Offended


I have gotten word that I may have offended some "Stones" fans so as a piece offering I am going to relate a short "Stones" story to you.

Mick Jagger decides to throw himself a birthday party. Among the guests in attendance are Hugh Hefner and Dennis Weaver. At some point during the evening, Hef gets upset because Weaver is eyeballing one of the Playmates. So Hef jumps Weaver and starts beating the crap out of him. At this point, Jagger intercedes, yelling ... (hold your lunch here)


"Hey, Hugh, get off of McCleod!"

Thank goes to Speck for that one

What Can Brown Do For You?


Well if your route driver was Patrick M. Kovarsky it could mean you didn't get your packages.
I don't even think I could fit 4600 items into my house.

Extreme Backyard Makeover?


We loaded the family into the car yesterday morning and headed to Frick's World North (my parents spread.) The project of the day was to build Pop Pop and Grammy an arbor for the backyard. I vaguely remember commenting "No big deal we'll be done by 2:00 pm". At 6:30 we were sweeping up the last of the sawdust. A Project Manager position apparently is not in my future.
During construction I picked up Pop Pop's hammer and commented "You've had this hammer for over 30 years" Pop Pop looked up and replied "Yes son, I've had that hammer a long time, it was made when people still cared about quality and took pride in what they produced. Matter of fact that's my favorite tool". Know what I snapped the head off it 15 minutes later, I guess my sister gets to move up a rung on the "Who's the favorite child ladder".
Upon completion I quickly named the arbor "Shogun". "Shogun" is huge 8 feet tall, 6 1/2 feet wide and almost 5 feet deep. All it needs is someone standing in the middle of it wearing a Kimono and sporting a sword.
We were both a little sore and slower than normal this morning, I guess we aren't as young as we were last year when we built "Shogun JR" at Frick's World South.

Dude Is Safely Back On The Ground


Well good news Carl is no longer perched on the crane. The hit him with tasers early on Saturday morning.
Risky move, can you imagine the lawsuit if after they filled poor Carl 50,000 Volts of juice he fell off the crane. The local cops are braver than me, 18 floors up on a crane, get a firefighter they love heights. The police are claiming to have used 5000 man hours to cover Carls little stunt. Are we going to give Carl a bill for the time and materials spent during his plight? They were looking into doing it for the "Runaway Bride"? Carl is wanted for murder and all poor little Jennifer did was to skip out on a small and simple wedding.

Viagra Linked To Blindness???


Read it for yourself (LINK )

A man at the pharmacy to pick up his Viagra prescription exclaimed over the $10/pill price. His wife, who was with him, had a different opinion: "Oh, $40 a year isn't too bad."

Then there was the man who got his Viagra tablet stuck in his throat and suffered from a stiff neck.

Have you tried the new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you're up all night.

How many doses of Viagra does it take to change a light bulb? One little tablet, and it's a whole new bulb.

A guy named Dave emailed us that he left his Viagra tablet in his shirt pocket when he sent it to the laundry. Now, his shirt is too stiff to wear.

We received the report today that it is no longer necessary to stake tomatoes. Just dissolve a Viagra tablet in the water and they stand up straight and tall.
JOKES




Friday, May 27, 2005

My New Favorite Number


Dude Is Still There



Carl is still perched high above the Buckhead skyline. He's been there since Wednesday afternoon around 5:00. The paper reported that someone was standing down below with a "Boom" box blasting out Van Halen's early 80's hit "Jump". Buckhead is a party area on the weekend and Carl might come down just to get some piece and quiet.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

WTF?



Last years we had people holding up traffic as they contemplated jumping off a bridge. This year the trend may be perching atop a crane then threatening to jump and oh yeah holding up building construction.

Runaway Bride



Wilbanks Indicted on False Crime Charge
Looks like they have completed the paperwork. Word around here is that she is negotiating with the authorities as too when and where she will turn herself in. My take on it is that she is at the local Linen 'n Things picking out a new towel for her surrender.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Picture Of The Day


I case you haven't heard (yet), young James got himself caught in a vending machine and of course it happened at a Wal Mart (where else could it have happened at).
LINK

The Circle Of Life


Above is Zippy (The Pinhead) the resident rodent (aka squirrel) wrangler sitting atop pride rock. Zippy is one of those cats that traverses between being indoors and outdoors. One of her self appointed tasks is that of ridding the yard, street and neighborhood of small rat like animals, mainly trying to put a dent in the local squirrel population. "But I'm only one cat" she has been known to meow. Well this weekend she may have gone to far as we were working in the yard we came across a dead chipmunk, dead as in taking a dirt nap. The Frick's World women lost their ever loving mind over this "Chipmunk Murder" the wife was headed for the phone to place a call to C.S.I. while "Goose" (aka "The Cat Whisperer") sat Zippy down for a little anger management. I just chalked it up to "The Circle Of Life".

Frick's World Needs One Of These



I had a meeting in downtown Washington D.C. this morning. Traffic in D.C. is horrendous and parking is even worse. I pulled into one of the local parking garages and the attendant motioned me in and to drive down several levels. I negotiate "The Rental" down the concrete corkscrew for 5 levels. When I arrive at the bottom there's my new best friend, the attendant from the street. How did this cat beat me down here you may wonder. I'm going tell you. They have a vertical elevator, this was the wildest looking thing I've ever seen. It has this 12" belt running vertical with small foot plates and hand holds and it runs up and down through the floors. You go down through one hole and then ride up through the other. No waiting for the doors to open or 15 people to exit the car, just you and a foot plate. I wonder if OSHA knows about this death trap. Needless to say there are no fat attendants at this garage.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Picture Of The Week


This is still one of the funniest pictures.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

New PodCast


A fellow road warrior leaving his audio tracks. Give his first show a listen. LINK

Drip Drip Drip



I flew into Baltimore the other night jumped into my Toyota Corolla rent a car (what a pile) and headed north to White Marsh.
Driving north you have 2 choices either I-95 or I-895, it doesn’t matter which one you take because they merge back together past the city. I always go up I-95 but this evening (just to be different) I decide to venture up I-895. Both roads have tunnels that go under the harbor and tunnels are cool. I am heading down into the tunnel and my usual “Tunnel Thoughts” are running through my head; I wonder what happens if someone crashes in the tunnel? How deep below the water is the tunnel? Has the roof of a tunnel ever caved in and drowned everyone? Didn’t Princess Diana die in a tunnel?
About this time I am at the bottom of said tunnel and starting the uphill journey when all of a sudden I drive through a puddle of water. A “Fricking” puddle of water, its not raining, there’s not a tanker truck in front of me, Oh dear GOD we’ve sprung a leak. I start begging for every bit of horsepower from that little 4 cylinder. I begin rocking back and forth convinced this will propel me even faster. I’m thinking I’m going to outrun this. All of a sudden I see light, light, drive towards the light. I think I can, I think I can…… Safely out of the tunnel I lessen my grip on the wheel and the blood slowly begins to return to my fingers.
The next morning I casually mention to the locals about my “tunnel puddle” experience. They tell me “Oh the water is there most of the time; it’s left over from when they wash down the tunnel walls each night”. Beautiful once again I am proved to be a “Dork”.

I am now sitting at the Baltimore airport waiting for my flight which is now leaving 3 hours after it original departure time (7:00pm), due to the crappy weather in Atlanta.

My flight has just left the ground and reached 10,000 feet it’s 11:41 pm, over 4 hours past my original departure time. Now in a few days, I will receive a letter from Delta apologizing for the delay that I suffered this afternoon.

There was a bright spot during the afternoon. I was camped out in a deserted SouthWest gate with another traveler this afternoon. His flight was delayed as well, and he was talking to his wife on one of those 2-way NexTels. He had it on speaker and his wife was giving him a ration of crap over his flight being delayed. “Hey lady since your husband isn’t wearing one of those nice blue jackets with captain bars on it; I am going to assume he’s not the pilot. Guess what he doesn’t have a whole hell of a lot of control over when the plane leaves, and unless he is God in street clothes there’s not a lot he can do about the weather either”. She did make me chuckle though.


Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Childhood Memories


I spent part of yesterday in Lancaster SC, after wrapping up I decided to head back to Atlanta via Rock Hill SC.
Rock Hill is where my grandparents lived and my Dad spent the better part of his early years and where as kids we spent many a summer vacation. My Grandpa passed away in 1993 and I hadn’'t been back to his old house since we held “"The Great Estate Sale of 1993"”. His house sat vacant for a few years (no one in the family really wanted a vacation house in Rock Hill SC) until it was finally sold to a Chiropractor who planned to turn into their office.
I pulled into the drive knowing that I wouldn’'t see my Grandpa’s' early 1970’s Buick (what a tank); I really didn’'t know what I would see.
The doctor had added a lot more pavement for parking, took down a fence, removed an out building and added another set of offices on the back of the property. For the most part the house still retained its South Carolina single story brick charm.
My grandparents had a huge garden in the back, where as I kid I would remember “"helping"” my grandparents pick vegetables that were to be prepared for lunch and dinner. Unfortunately now the garden sits under 4 or 5 inches or blacktop. The doctor did leave a sizeable amount of the azaleas that my grandpa had planted and watered each day.
I left the car and walked to the front door, prepared to introduce myself, and planning to act as if I still had some kind of family claim to this property after all these years (hey, we were here first).
When I got to the door it was locked and the sign spelled out “"Hours 2:30 - 5:00"”, being a Chiropractor may not be that bad of a gig with those hours (yeah I know they spent many years in school).
I peered through the glass door and could see the doctors desk was sitting where my grandma’s grand piano sat (out of tune) for so many years. They had installed hardwood floors, and the fresh white paint really brightened up what I could see.
When I walked away from the door I noticed the storm door was gone, I remember that storm door would slam behind us as we entered and exited the house I guess no one ever thought to tighten the spring.
I headed back to the car bummed that I didn’t get to see the inside of the house that I had so many summer memories from, but content in knowing that the new caretakers were taking care of the place in a manner that would please my grandpa.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

``It's tough to hide a 10-foot weenie,''

Fun & Games
Traveling through Rock Hill SC this afternoon I heard about this on the news. A 10-foot weenie can't be that hard to find, just look for the person with a 55 gallon of mustard.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Gotta Love Target


We made the "Frick World" weekly pilgrimage to Target this afternoon. Target (in my opinion) is one of those stores that you can walk into needing nothing but end up easily dropping $100.00. As "The Wife" was checking out I wandered over to a bank of computers that allow you to view baby & bridal registries. On a lark I typed in "Runaway Bride" and "Georgia" and found no hits. Then I typed in "Jennifer Wilbanks" and "Georgia" and guess what we have a winner! I found the web link and it appears that they still need a few items even though the wedding was a few weeks ago.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Sister Time


“"The Wife’'s”" sister came in town for the weekend. She had in tow her husband and 1/3 of her children. We spent the afternoon shopping at “The Forum”. “The Forum” is a kind of outside shopping center with the likes of Orvis, Barnes & Noble, Talbots & Pottery Barn dotting the complex. The stores surround the parking lot, which is usually filled with Escalades, Lexus'’s & BMW’'s. In other words “"The FrickMobile"” looked completely out of place.
Our shopping adventures always begin with the men splitting off from "The Women". The men will venture through the bookstores, sport stores and such, and eventually catch up with "The Women" in either “The GAP”, Limited or Old Navy.
This afternoon we found “"The Women"” in “Old Navy”, we went inside to let our presence be known and let them know that we would be out front waiting on “"The Widow"” benches. “Widow benches” are those benches located throughout shopping centers/malls where you will always find men perched waiting for their wives or girlfriends to finish shopping.
After waiting for a while, we see “"The Women"” heading for the checkout line, and a slight smile breaks across our faces, this quickly turned into a frown as “"The Women"” retreat back into the bowels of “Old Navy”. We rode this emotional roller coaster several times, as "The Women" would head for the check out line, only to turn around and go back in search of more, better, or cheaper merchandise.
Finally “"Unka Dug"” turns to me and says "this is kind of like waiting for a space shuttle launch", "what do you mean by that?" I ask, "Unka Dug" replies "they start the countdown, and then just when lift off is in sight, something happens, the weather changes, a part falls off, there’s a fuel leak, who knows what but something always stops the countdown and then you are right back where you started with the whole countdown beginning again.".

Picture Of The Week

Friday, May 13, 2005

E F P T O Z


The better part of the morning was spent at the eye doctors.
After filling out all of the HIPAA documentation I began the exam. Now as the doctor is trying to decide if I need really thick glasses or just to go ahead and order me a white cane I start thinking that being an optometrist is not all that bad of a gig because, you never get any phone calls in the middle of the night, you don’t have too see blood and the patient is really that one that decides which prescription is best for them: as the doctor was flipping through all of the lenses he keeps saying “Which looks clearer to you number 1 or number 2, number 1 or number 2”. This guy has no idea how anything looks from my perspective, so my prescription is really left up to what I decide looks best to me.
After the exam I move over to the eyeglass section to pick out my new pair of specs.
I find a pair that is made by Esquire, maybe if I wear these I will look like an over 40 male model, maybe not, probably not.
Buying a pair of glasses is just short of being a complicated a buying a new car. Do you want the edges of the lenses frosted? NO. How about UV protection? NO, I have some cool sunglasses for when I’m outside. Do you need them scratch resistant? NO my eyes never itch. How about anti-reflective lenses? What the hell is that I ask? Well your current glasses don’t have that, so when I look at your glasses I see the reflection of everything that is behind me. Behind you? I thought these were my glasses, why should I buy something just so that people looking at me won’t see a reflection? What a crock. Now were down to the bifocal point of my purchase, “How much for the bifocal portion?” “It runs anywhere from $20.00 up to $300.00” she replies, that’s a nice tight range I say. I am starting to do the math in my head, and beginning to think that a white cane is a lot cheaper.
Anyway I opt for the progressive style of bifocals which means that people (once again) looking at my glasses won’t see a line where the bifocal portion stops. I am such an accommodating person.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Hey Delta, Tonight You SUCK!

Finally back in Atlanta. I arrived at the airport 4 hours before my flight.
Delta had no earlier flights to offer so I had too wait. After arriving in Atlanta and waiting in baggage claim, I see the "Last Bag" notice next to my flight number and I still don't have my bag, so I head to the "Atlanta Room" (this is the land of lost and abandoned luggage) and hand the lady my baggage claim ticket. A few moments later she comes back with my bag, I ask what time did my bag arrive? She replies 8:30 PM (it's now 10:30 PM). My bag arrived 2 hours before my flight. Apparently they had no room for me on an earlier flight but enough room for my bag. Way to go Delta.

This One's for Mom & Dad


Growing up I had the fortunate opportunity to go to Camp Ridgecrest every summer for a month, looking back it may have been away to get rid of me for part of the summer. It always made for a great summer lots of hiking, camping and of course if its camp you have to have sing lots of corny camp songs.
Anyways I hadn't checked out their site for a few year so I decided to drop in. A one month session for the summer now costs $2100.00. I hope for a couple of grand the cabins now have air conditioning.
We had lots of camp games (4 square, tetherball, etc....) but the highlight of the summer was the "Sock War" this consisted of dividing the whole camp into (2) teams and then the campers would take their socks and fill them with sand and roam the camp nailing the opposing team with sand filled socks. It was kind of an early version of paint ball. The first few years I was there we filled the socks with good ole' kitchen flour. What we would then do was dip the socks in the lake and in a very short amount of time our socks would harden up like a rock. This made the game even more fun but after a few campers suffered shots to the head they replaced the flour with sand.
With as safety conscious as our society is now they probably have to wear helments and sign a liability release.
Ridgecrest has embraced the marketing machine with both arms, they now sell a full like of clothing, blanket and stickers. Maybe someone will place an order for my birthday.

Down to only (2) hours till my flight

Another Cool Gadget


I saw this in the Sky Mall magazine on the plane (I know everyone looks at Sky Mall, but does anyone ever buy anything from it?). It's an MP3 player that you slide your Lexar jump drive into plus it's only $40.00 LINK

Richmond VA Airport Has Free Wi-Fi

4 hours early for a flight and no earlier flights available, this bites. Hey at least they have free Wi-Fi. Below is a little Paint Shop Pro fun while waiting for my flight direct from Gate B7.


I am taking Friday off, time for an eye doctors appointment and some general errand running, I think that I am on the verge of needing bi-focals, my glasses spend half the day on my face and the other half on top of my head as I try to read anything close up. The Richmond airport is nice (and quiet)I am holed up in a deserted gate with a bottle of Diet Mtn. Dew and an AC outlet, so for the most part right now life is good. Hey they are playing the announcement that says "Please do not carry any luggage other than your own onto the airplane" "Other than my own" I don't want to even carry mine, I'll be damned if I'm going to carry anyone elses.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Not A Huge Stones Fan


As much as I love music I have never been a huge Rolling Stones fan ( I am sure this has cost me many friendships). Well it seem they are going on tour (again). Average stadium price $100.00

LINK
Tickets for shows in Boston; Washington, DC; Atlanta; Charlotte; and Calgary will go on sale to the general public on May 14; other on-sale dates will be announced. According to a press release, about 5% of the tickets will be premium "Gold Circle" seats. The remaining tickets will average $99 for stadium shows, $110 for arenas and $50 for clubs and theaters.

The first concert I ever went to was KISS in the late 70's the ticket price somewhere around $8.00 and if I recall there was some nudity in the crowd.
The only group that I would spend $100.00 to see would be "The Police".
It's almost cheaper for a couple to go see an Atlanta Braves game including the beer.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

A Day For Mom's




You watched as I learned to walk
You watched as I learned to fall
You have been there to see it all.

You watched over me through all my mistakes
Even though I was too blind to see them for myself

You worked to prepare me for my later life
Even though I was too hard-headed to realize it at the time

You were there as I started my own family
And have been there beside us ever since

I hope that you had a special day
And we look forward to seeing you Monday night

Now my Mother (just as my Father did) must have wondered if there was any hint DNA that connected me to her.
There were many instances that would warrant a visit to the Maury Povich show for a true DNA test. There was the time that I wore my rainbow Mork & Mindy suspenders to church, the time I decided to wash her car engine, the time that she helped me capture an escaped snake from my inside my car and the time I had to call her to rescue a drunk girlfriend (not "The Wife").
Of course all of these adventures do make for great holiday conversation.
My Mom has always stood by me no matter what I did or wanted to do and for that I Love Her!!!!

Happy Mother's Day to the best Mommy on the whole wide world
From your Baby Bouncing Boy

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Too Cool



I just love those lexan Nalygene bottles, but (you ever notice that the word "But" means ignore what you just heard here comes the truth)the the problem with them is that with the wide mouth they are almost impossible to drink from while running without getting a face full of water. Well someone has designed a handle for the bottles with a smaller opening. They also make just a splash guard that fits inside the bottles mouth.

How To Beat ATL Traffic



"The Wife" has wanted a new kid transporting vehicle (Don't know why her old one is only 11 years old). Well I found it. I figured with the high price of gas that if I got her something really big and ugly she wouldn't want to drive it and I would save a ton on gas money. This piece of equipment is perfect for knocking over mailboxes and fence posts and I know I can fit at least 5 bails of pinestraw in it without having to fold down the back seat. I think I will call it "Kitty Crusher"

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Positions Available



Traveling around Hunt Valley MD. this afternoon I saw the perfect job opening as a food tester for McCormick foods. I think they only make spice and condiments (I love that word CONDIMENTS) and not cakes and ice cream. Too bad.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Frick's World Workday



An Iris from the backyard.
The flowers are blooming all through the yard. We spent all day working out back.
"Chamber of Commerce" weather as my Dad has been known to say.
We planted "Knock Out" roses, more hostas, and a variety of seasonal color. "The Wife" and I were sitting out on the deck enjoying the cool afternoon breeze when she says "Hey lets trim the hedge between the our yard and the neighbors". This hedge I am sure has some botanical name and belongs in some Genos family, but I just call it "The Big Green Hedge". I calmly explain to her that "The Big Green Hedge" is at least 12 feet tall and even on a ladder this would be a major chore and would subject me to the danger of falling off a ladder. The reason behind the explanation is that I didn't feel like dragging branches and sticks across the freshly manicured lawn.
"The Wife" quickly counters with "Lets just cut it down to the level of the chain link fence", there goes the lets keep the lawn nice and neat theory. "Hey that will work, let me get the chainsaw" I love anything that involves using a chainsaw. Well 3 hours later and with the hedge half cut, I now know the real name of "The Big Green Hedge" it's "The Let Me shred Your Shins and Thighs With My Stubby Sharp Branches Hedge".