Attention Fellow Fliers

You are in an airport and no this is not your own personal airport you are sharing it with lots of other people and one of these people is me. Sooooooo to make my life less painful and allow me to get home and see my family quicker. I have a few airport suggestions.

When using the kiosk to check yourself in you are going to either have to scan a bar-coded piece of paper or insert a charge card, ATM card or something with a magnetic strip containing your information. Be prepared because this is a rule there is no getting around it.

When going through TSA security lines you will need photo identification and your boarding pass. Have it ready, you back the line up and I am forced to wait while you rummage through your purse, laptop case wallet etc... looking for your photo ID. This another rule there is no getting around it.

You will need to remove your shoes and send them through the x-ray machine. We all have to do this. The government has not decided to single you out and make only you remove your shoes. Can you smell that rank odor? It's my feet and my shoes are off and in my hand ready to be laid on the x-ray belt. This another rule there is no getting around it.

You know those coins and keys in your pocket? Guess what they need to come out of their cave and into the white and blue bowl. These items will cause the screening systems alarm to sound. Do you know why? I am thinking it's because keys and coins are metal and so are guns, this is just a hunch and I might be wrong? When the alarm goes off this means that you have to go through the screener again, this takes more time away from me getting to see my family. This another rule there is no getting around it.

You know that really hip urban style jacket your wearing? That is going to have to come off your lumberjack sized back and go through the x-ray machine. Waiting for you to be told "Sir? Sir? Hey dude, you have to loose the jacket so it can get x-rayed." makes me have to wait and waiting takes more time away from me getting to see my family. This another rule there is no getting around it.

After going through the screening machine please do not stand at the end of the belt and bitch and moan about how you now have to get dressed again. Look down at the ground do you see all the feet with no shoes on them? We all have to "get dressed again". It's no ones fault but your own that you're such a dumb ass and wore 14" lace up boots to airport.

Pick your belongings up off the belt and then quickly move away so that the rest of us can claim our crap and get on with our life. While you are standing there struggling to fit your size 10 EEE foot into a size 9EE shoe you are causing the line to back up and this takes more time away from me getting to see my family.

Do not argue or piss off the TSA folks. Yes, it is quite possible that just last week at their old job they were asking customers "Do you want fries with that?". Alas these folks are the gate keepers to the terminal when they get mad they slow down, when they slow down it takes more time away from me getting to see my family.

I know in the big picture my happiness is not that big of a deal to you folks, but think of this as what you can do to spread some happiness to a bunch of people and it won't cost you a single cent. Not a bad thought during this expensive holiday season.