Maybe On The Interweb A Bit Much

"Click Image For Biggie Size"

Thanks goodness for "RSS Feeds" and "Google Reader" shortcuts.

Someone Else I Can Relate To

I have wrote in the past over my general dislike of IKEA "LINK". Again I must add that their quality and prices can't be beat. Both of the kids rooms are furnished with their stuff. My beef is with the hassle of moving around the store and then waiting for some asshat to figure out how to use the self-checkout. Here's a link to "QUIKEA" with a few tips to speed up the IKEA experience, and remember what Starbucks has taught us "We all want an experience". Just to prove I'm not a total IKEA basher I do subscribe to "ikea hacker".

Kitchen Tip

In addition to sarcasm one of the things we offer are tips, simple tips such as "Never kiss a moody rhinoceros on the lips".
This tip is possibly the greatest ever. When in the kitchen have you ever gone and grabbed the aluminum foil opened the box grabbed the foil and pulled only to have the roll come flying out of the box bounce off of the counter and then roll across the floor? Yea me neither.
Well apparently look at the end of the box what do you see "Press here to lock end" get outta here. It is claimed to have been there for years but none of us have ever taken the time to notice. I call "BS" on that and believe it's something they've just recently added. Never the less push those suckers in and end your frustration.















BEFORE














AFTER

Thanks to "NGTO" for this tip

This Is Why I Didn't Become A Lawyer

plus the fact I didn't have the grades, cash or wardrobe.

Lawyer's Price For Missing Pants: $65 Million

By Marc Fisher Thursday, April 26, 2007; Page B01

When the neighborhood dry cleaner misplaced Roy Pearson's pants, he took action.
He complained. He demanded compensation. And then he sued. Man, did he sue.
Two years, thousands of pages of legal documents and many hundreds of hours of
investigative work later, Pearson is seeking to make Custom Cleaners pay -- would
you believe more than the payroll of the entire Washington Nationals roster?
"LINK"

Take the time to read the link it's pure comedy gold. Of course you guessed it our plaintiff is a lawyer. Granted Mr Pearson's wearing some nice "Hickey Freeman" suits not your off the rack "Garanimal" variety that I wear.
Now to enlighten Mr Pearson here are some basic life rules, guidelines tips etc....... that I tend to follow:
Never rely on picking up anything at the dry cleaner the morning you plan to wear it. It will never work out, Mr Young has been doing my clothes for years and yes he has made a few mistakes but nothing worth suing him over.

When you take 4 day trip pack for 5 days, some things going happen at some point and you don't know where that point is at so be prepared.

Never use a fast food drive in cause you're going to get screwed. It's nothing against you it's just the way fast food restaurants operate. Just think how much money you would save every year by forgetting to put straws in a few dozen orders each day. When you go inside for your food you're in control of the straws napkins etc.....

Only buy genuine Q-tips and Pop Tarts because all of the generic versions suck.

Another Tip For Hotel Tycoons

or maybe my rant for the weekWhen I check into a hotel room I really don't need all these little placards, notes etc......
I understand that you are glad I'm here. I know you are welcoming me back. I know which pillows are firm and soft because you have them stitched into the pillow cases plus my head can tell the difference. I know that your free breakfast begins at 6:00 am because your desk clerk told me that just 2 minutes ago. The only note that is of great importance to me is the TV channel guide and if that's missing I can usually figure out the stations in about 5 minutes.
I am sure that you must spend a fortune printing and re-printing these things cause I just know that most people wad them up and throw them out.

Money Tip

I saw this on "Youheardithere" and decided to borrow it. Hey give yourself a $10,000 raise this year.

• Soft drinks: 1/day @ $1 = $356 year
• Candy bar/chips: 1/day @ $.60 = $219 year
• Concert tickets: 6/year @ $75 = $450
• Magazine: 1/week @$3.50 = $182
• Cigarettes (plus tax): 1 pack/day @ $4.75 = $1,733.75
• Tank of gas: 1/week @ $40 = $2,080
• Music CD: 1/month @ $17 = $204
• Lottery tickets: 2/week @ $2 = 208
• Fast-food lunches: 5/week @ $8 = $2,080
• Name-brand tennis shoes: 2 pair/year @ $125 = $250
• Specialty coffee: 1/day @ $3.50 = $1,277.50
• Video rentals: 2/week @ $5 = $520

TOTAL SAVED IN ONE YEAR: $9569.25!

Source: University of Illinois College of Agricultural, Consumer and Environmental Sciences

Dress For Sucess

Over the holidays we had relatives in for a visit. The girls abandoned us for one of their predefined missions. So my brother-in-law and I took off for technology Friday at "Fry's" followed by a trip into "K&G" to see what the latest male fashion trends are. After shopping for awhile and seeing some ugly (I mean ugly) suits, my brother-in-law busts loose with the days fashion tip "Never buy a suit whose name ends with an O". Not just any vowel but specifically an O....

Attention Fellow Fliers

You are in an airport and no this is not your own personal airport you are sharing it with lots of other people and one of these people is me. Sooooooo to make my life less painful and allow me to get home and see my family quicker. I have a few airport suggestions.

When using the kiosk to check yourself in you are going to either have to scan a bar-coded piece of paper or insert a charge card, ATM card or something with a magnetic strip containing your information. Be prepared because this is a rule there is no getting around it.

When going through TSA security lines you will need photo identification and your boarding pass. Have it ready, you back the line up and I am forced to wait while you rummage through your purse, laptop case wallet etc... looking for your photo ID. This another rule there is no getting around it.

You will need to remove your shoes and send them through the x-ray machine. We all have to do this. The government has not decided to single you out and make only you remove your shoes. Can you smell that rank odor? It's my feet and my shoes are off and in my hand ready to be laid on the x-ray belt. This another rule there is no getting around it.

You know those coins and keys in your pocket? Guess what they need to come out of their cave and into the white and blue bowl. These items will cause the screening systems alarm to sound. Do you know why? I am thinking it's because keys and coins are metal and so are guns, this is just a hunch and I might be wrong? When the alarm goes off this means that you have to go through the screener again, this takes more time away from me getting to see my family. This another rule there is no getting around it.

You know that really hip urban style jacket your wearing? That is going to have to come off your lumberjack sized back and go through the x-ray machine. Waiting for you to be told "Sir? Sir? Hey dude, you have to loose the jacket so it can get x-rayed." makes me have to wait and waiting takes more time away from me getting to see my family. This another rule there is no getting around it.

After going through the screening machine please do not stand at the end of the belt and bitch and moan about how you now have to get dressed again. Look down at the ground do you see all the feet with no shoes on them? We all have to "get dressed again". It's no ones fault but your own that you're such a dumb ass and wore 14" lace up boots to airport.

Pick your belongings up off the belt and then quickly move away so that the rest of us can claim our crap and get on with our life. While you are standing there struggling to fit your size 10 EEE foot into a size 9EE shoe you are causing the line to back up and this takes more time away from me getting to see my family.

Do not argue or piss off the TSA folks. Yes, it is quite possible that just last week at their old job they were asking customers "Do you want fries with that?". Alas these folks are the gate keepers to the terminal when they get mad they slow down, when they slow down it takes more time away from me getting to see my family.

I know in the big picture my happiness is not that big of a deal to you folks, but think of this as what you can do to spread some happiness to a bunch of people and it won't cost you a single cent. Not a bad thought during this expensive holiday season.

Another Life Tip

Looking to save some money during the holidays? Try This....
Don't spend $1 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 50 cents.

Life Tip

Baby Names
Once you have decided on a name for your little bundle of joy get in the car and drive to the local tourist trap. Once inside look at all the coffee mugs, key chains & mini license plates. If you don't see the name you've decided on don't use it, it's only an invitation to therapy for your little bundle of joy. This tip is for you Matt Lauer "LINK"