Here's A Job For Ya'

Get lost! State hopes to thwart crocodiles' homing instinct with magnets

BY DOUG PHILLIPS Sun-Sentinel
Originally published 05:18 p.m., February 23, 2009
Updated 05:18 p.m., February 23, 2009

Magnets taped to the heads of captured crocodiles could keep them from returning to South Florida neighborhoods where they're not wanted, state wildlife officials said Monday.

State biologists are studying the temporary use of magnets to disrupt the internal navigation of federally and state-protected American crocodiles, which have been spotted most often in neighborhoods of Miami-Dade and Monroe counties.

"Scientists in Mexico have reported success in using magnets to break the homing cycle," said Lindsey Hord, crocodile response coordinator for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. "Read More"

Once again this further solidifies my theory that anything that's "Whack-a-do" has to originate in Florida. OK, Jim now duct tape these magnets to the side of Wally's head and besides what if the gators have little "Gator GPS" units.

Tickle Me What?

I can only imagine what people are going to do with these. My only hope is that they're here in time for Christmas.

D-I-V-I-O-R-C-E

"Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Legal word meaning to rip out a kidney through the court system."
Dewey Cheatum & How

Who has not heard of the man that wants his donated kidney back from his soon to be ex-wife? If not follow the "LINK" or "Google Search"

Cliff Notes
Wife is sick needs a kidney
Husband gives her one of his
Healthy wife has an extramarital affair
Wife files for divorce
Husband now wants his kidney back or 1.5 million bucks.

What is it, oh yeah. fact is stranger than fiction.

Now we all know that Dr. Batista is not going to get his kidney back, besides what the hell would he do with it, he's not going to get 1.5 million either. Of course most people are going to think that Dr. Batista is a total ass (maybe he is, maybe he isn't) but the most brilliant move in this whole saga is that now everyone has heard that this woman cheated on the man that gave her one of his kidneys, the man that saved her life............ and like toothpaste once it's out of the tube you can't put it back into the tube

Say It Ain't So.......

It's apparently not entirely self-evident that when your company needs a taxpayer bailout you shouldn't get a "bonus," so money-sucking insurer AIG has written a letter to NY Attorney General Andrew Cuomo promising that their top executives will not get bonuses this year.

In the letter, AIG says they are "extremely grateful" for the support they have received from taxpayers, and as their way of showing how "prudently" they are acting, they will not be giving bonuses to their top seven executives. The rest will get bonuses, but won't be getting a raise this year.

They also promise that they are "developing" a way to insure that no taxpayer dollars are used for bonuses for the top 60 executives in the future.

Cuomo reacted favorable to the news, says ABC. "From The Consumerist"

I'm hoping the above will be debunked by "Snopes" but I have a feeling that it won't because as we've seen before "fact is stranger than fiction".

Thanks AIG for promising not to use any taxpayer dollars for executive bonuses & thank you again for not presenting your top 7 executives with any bonuses.

The only thing these folks should be presented with is a "Pink Slip". Unbelievable the executives that should be held accountable still have jobs - with great power comes great responsibility.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Remember earlier in the year when we were informed that a Kansas women had been sitting on her boyfriends toilet long enough to fuse her backside to the toilet seat?
"LINK"

Well you ain't gonna beleive this

Beau of Woman Stuck on Toilet Wins Pot
AP
posted: 22 HOURS AGO
GREAT BEND, Kan. (Oct. 8) - A Kansas man whose girlfriend was physically stuck to the toilet in their home wins $20,000 in the state Lottery, for the second time this year.
Kory McFarren cashed in his winning $2 Bonus Crossword ticket in Great Bend Monday. On July 29, the 37-year-old received six months of probation after pleading no contest to misdemeanor mistreatment of a dependent adult.
McFarren called deputies in February to report that his girlfriend, Pam Babcock, had refused to come out of the bathroom for two years. Authorities found her stuck to the toilet.
Medical personnel estimated Babcock had been on the toilet for at least a month and said the seat had adhered to sores on her body. She was released from a Wichita hospital after several months of treatment.
"LINK"

I bet ol' Kory thought his life had peaked earlier in the year with all the attention his girlfriend managed to drag his way, you realize that it's not everyday that someone forgets to get up from the toilet.
Now we find out the ol' Kory has landed on financial easy street not once, but twice, damn. After this winning streak I wonder if ol'Kory is gonna up and quit his job.

All the cool stuff happens in "Kansas".

Oh Lawd!

LOUISVILLE, Ky. -- A Shelby County man and his wife said two doctors amputated the man's penis without his consent, and have filed a lawsuit.

According to the lawsuit, Philip Seaton, 61, went to have a circumcision last Octoberas part of treatment for a medical condition. Seaton said when he woke up from the procedure, he realized his penis had been amputated.

Seaton has suffered mental anguish, pain, and has lost the enjoyment of life, according to the lawsuit.
The lawsuit was filed in Shelby County court last week against Dr. John Patterson, who performed the procedure, Dr. Oliver James, who administered anesthesia, and Commonwealth Urology, PSC.
"Read The Rest"

"Doctor I can't feel my penis" - "That's cause we amputated your hands"

What do you call the person that graduated last in their medical class? "Doctor"

Dear God how much money could possibly ease this mans pain? I have no idea but I can "George Zimmer" guarantee that it's going to contain a whole bunch of zeros.

Now I'm sure that Dr. Ginsu Knife did what he felt was in the best interest of his patient and since Dr. Ginsu Knife is also a male I'm sure this was not a snap decision, but general male to male courtesy does require full and complete consciousness by both parties before any penis cutting begins.

WTF

What The ...? DMV Offers License Plate Fix Free Replacement Offered For 'WTF' Tags

Thanks to some text message-savvy grandchildren, North Carolina drivers whose license plates have the potentially offensive "WTF" letter combination can replace the tags for free. The News & Observer of Raleigh reported Tuesday the state Division of Motor Vehicles has notified nearly 10,000 holders of license plates with the letter combination. Officials learned last year the common acronym stands for a vulgar phrase in e-mail and cell phone text messages. The DMV recently realized the same letters appeared on the sample license plate on its own Web site. Officials are trying to remove the plate from the site. "I can't believe it," DMV Commissioner Bill Gore told the newspaper on Monday when alerted to the situation. "Obviously, I didn't
know it was there." DMV officials got word of the plates last July when a 60-year-old technology teacher from Fayetteville complained about the plate after her teenage grandchildren clued her in. "LINK"


First of all who doesn't want a WTF plate, I do.. I do... Officials just learned last year that WTF could be offensive, where have these folks been hiding? Just think if we get government healthcare these government DMV workers just might just be doing your next medical exam, I'm just saying......

Travel Tip #24

Don't stay in a hotel that has a drain between the toilet and the bathtub.
The possible reason for such a drain placement.
1) This bathroom is prone to flooding (to bad if you're in room #401)
2) At some point they figure this bathroom is going to flood (again, to bad if you're in room #401)
3) The drunk and incompetent plumber couldn't sober up long enough to place the drain in the bathtub.


Here's the previous tips "LINK"

Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction

ARTMAN, Ark. - An Arkansas preteen faces a drunken driving charge after he and a friend drank his parents' beer, "got liquored up" and crashed his stepfather's pickup truck, the Johnson County sheriff said.

Sheriff Jimmy Dorney said the 12-year-old boy and his 10-year-old friend drove off in the truck May 4 to find a girl they met at a rodeo. The boys made it about 10 miles before the 12-year-old lost control of the truck.

Dorney said the truck hit and jumped over a guardrail, sending it careening 50 feet down a steep hill into a forest.

KEEP READING

Clark James, 46, who lives down the road from the crash site, said he answered the boys' banging at his front door with shotgun in hand about 2:30 a.m.

"I opened the door and the first thing (the 12-year-old) said to me was, 'I'm drunk and I had a wreck,'" James said. "I looked at him and I thought 'You're kind of young to be out drinking. And you sure shouldn't be driving.'"

Neither boy was seriously injured in the crash.

County prosecutor Bruce Wilson said that he will charge the 12-year-old boy with drunken driving and several other misdemeanor charges in district and juvenile court in Johnson County.

Wilson said the 12-year-old could face a variety of sanctions ranging from probation, to court-mandated community service and alcohol rehabilitation, to commitment to the state Department of Human Services Division of Youth Services.

Teresa Belew, executive director of the Arkansas chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, said the 12-year-old is the youngest person she's heard of facing a drunken-driving charge in the state.

James bets that both Johnson County boys are grounded for life.

"If not, then they should be," he said.

"LINK"

Folks you can't make this stuff up. Where do we begin a 12 year that's drunk? A 12 year old that takes his Step-Daddy's truck? or a 12 year old that takes off after some 10 year old that he met at a rodeo? This lad has done more hard-core living in his short 12 years than I've done in my 43.
He's possibly facing alcohol rehabilitation "Hi my name's Little Timmy I'm 12 and I'm an alcoholic" This kid needs his own reality TV show.

I Guess They Were In Sync

KENMORE, Wash. — Three girls from a synchronized swim team fainted simultaneously and went under at the deep end of a public pool in this Seattle suburb while practicing holding their breath, team leaders said.

Others around the indoor pool at St. Edward's State Park also felt faint and dizzy, and fire officials asked the Seattle-King County Public Health Department to check the chlorine level in the water following the frightening episode Monday.

The swimmers, ages 11, 12 and 13, had been in the Kenmore pool about 15 minutes when they began having difficulty, head coach Julie Abel said.

"One of them was hanging on a rope and a coach saw her slip under water," team president Craig Penner said. "The coach jumped in and pulled her out, then looked back and saw two other girls on the bottom of the pool."

A lifeguard and another coach aided in the rescue.

A fourth girl swam to the side of the pool and said she was dizzy and unsure where she was or how she got there, and the mother of a team member blacked out after bending over the water, Penner said.

The three girls who passed out were under water less than a minute before receiving cardiopulmonary resuscitation, and all three were breathing and conscious by the time emergency aid crews arrived, the team president said. "LINK"

1:05 To Spare?

After seeing this I'm starting to regret the fact that I've already submitted my "Cubicle Farm" furniture budget for the coming year.
I can almost reach my pencil, There now, I can almost reach my pencil, OK now I can almost reach my pencil, oh screw it.

I've Seen most Everything Now

We have skins for iPods, X-Boxes and even cars, but as of this morning I have seen the ultimate skin - it's for your dishwasher. That's right as of now your dishwasher is skinable thank to "Dishwasher Art". Thinks of how hideous Grandma's kitchen was, well now you can be the proud owner of something just as hideous.
The best part is that you can get the skins magnetized so you can swap out the skins for the season.